Work Ethic

9:26 PM

See what you think:


Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume
that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.


Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.


Skinny size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get to eat more so that
they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill


If you are sick and go to the doctor and the doctor gives you a note
for the excused day for sickness, you will not be excused. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.

There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board
under the

"Chronic Offender" category.


As long as you are employee here, you need all your organs.

You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have
something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!


The Management

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