Work Ethic

9:26 PM

See what you think:

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: MANAGEMENT

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume
that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAKS:

Skinny size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get to eat more so that
they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill

SICK DAYS:

If you are sick and go to the doctor and the doctor gives you a note
for the excused day for sickness, you will not be excused. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.

There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board
under the

"Chronic Offender" category.

SURGERY:

As long as you are employee here, you need all your organs.

You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have
something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!




Sincerely,

The Management

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