Hang in there...7:53 AM
...do you ever get daunted by a large thick chunk of text in your Google Reader feed? Your brow gets a worried furrow when you see words like "Scriptures says..." and "we" instead of "I" and a whole lot of intense vocabulary on top of all that?
Okay, maybe you don't, but sometimes I do, and I always feel guilty for not wanting to dive in and wrap my head around the theological concepts that my friends have obviously put a lot of time and effort into posting, so I skim it fast and tell myself I'll read it later, right?
So I don't blame you if you're skimming this and wishing that I'd posted an inane joke I received via chain mail, or a typical picture of me doing something idiotic, or a vague poetic muse on life that means nothing to anybody else but me...you know, something harmless like that. But today is not your lucky non-committal day, so either feel free to exit and say "boorring" or keep reading like the martyr you are.
Wow. You are a hardcore friend. Thank you for persevering this far.
Last night I prayed that God would reveal to me "the desires of my heart".
("Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4)
My trouble is knowing what my desires are and if deep down they're the right ones
("You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." -James 4:3)
So I asked God to be more specific.
Now, they say you can have conversations with God, and I always wondered about that 'cause I never really heard much back, but lately I've discovered the knack to it, and I'm so excited about it that I think I ought to patent the technique. But I'll tell you royalty-free for now.
I never heard much back because I didn't know how to listen. Here's how it worked last night:
I'd ask a question, and the answer would just pop in my head, as simple as that. It was always my voice saying it in my own English, in my own rambling way inside my head, and so I've never thought that God could be in all that giving me the answer. But now I've gotten suspicious and I think He's there. I think that answering voice is called my Conscience.
And what amazes me is if I don't read God's word, that answering voice is either silent, or reeaally quiet so that my ADHD attention span wanders all around and I'm thinking about something else before I've actually listen for God's answer. But if I have read the Word, then the answers come louder and clearer.
So here's how I did it (this has all been translated out of Alexaish, which is really fast and much more impulsive and sometimes says two sentences at once):
"Dear, Beautiful, Awesome God. Will you tell me what I desire in my heart of hearts?"
Then my mind rambles "Well, you know how you are always super happy when you've had a
purposeful day? And you always feel empty and depressed when you didn't have any direction in the day and you just wandered around going through the eat/sleep/schoolwork/chores/glare-at-younger-brother motions? I think you desire more than anything to have a really clear purpose for your life. Not a vague Westminster catechism purpose, like "glorify God and enjoy Him forever." You want to know how, you just want God to be more specific!"
So that's when I prayed, "God, will You be more specific? About Your purpose for me, the Alexa Sleadd?"
Then comes the ramble, which I always thought was just me. What if you just pretend you're God for a second.
You know, if you've read so much about Him, isn't it safe to speculate what He would say?
Then the answers came. I just started talking to myself, and He somehow used 1) my knowledge of Scripture, and 2) my Conscience that comes from Him, to answer me in a way I could understand.
Here's what He (or Him through me, or my conscience, or whoever it was) said. Alexa. Wherever you are I've put you there. I don't give specifics. I prefer to use my Word. It's sufficient. Your conscience, and my Spirit give the specifics and if you aren't immersed in my Word, they will abandon you.
Right now, is the 'big moment' you feel say you're always waiting for. You say to me that you feel like the Christian you've always dreamt of being is always around the corner, in the future, the great big ethereal "purpose" you tell yourself that I have for you is always in your next season of life. When you were a child you thought as a teenager you'd have life all figured out. Now that you're a teenager, you think that adulthood is where my ultimate plan for you lies. That's not how it works. Right now is what I've given you, and I expect you to make the most of it. Keeping your room clean isn't something you'll magically do the day you get married. Sanctification means you quit saying "well someday I'll be who God wants me to be...", it means you say "This is the day the Lord has made, and I will do everything I can to get one baby step closer to fulfilling my ultimate destiny." And that may very well be the desire of your heart. You want to be here for a reason, you're dying (or living, rather)to be a part of something greater than yourself. You hate a day without purpose, and that just goes to show you desire a Purpose driven life. (There's a reason that's a book title.)
"So what's my specific purpose though?"
This was when He dumped a load of my memorized scriptures on me. So that's why Mom makes me memorize day in, day out.
Honor your father and mother. I can't bless you if you don't. Honor means more than "obey" by the way.
Give me your firstfruits. I own you, quite frankly, I bought you at a very high price, and you are obligated to give everything of yourself to me.
For some reason, the thought of being owned by God was the sweetest thing to my ears.
Anyway, the answer went on, but my mother wants me to get out of bed right now and check in to life as we know it, so I'm going to honor her and end this post.
But do you get the idea? God speaks to us through what we read.
I've learned a valuable lesson. Reading the bible does absolutely nothing for you. Those without saving faith do it all the time. Praying to God does absolutely nothing for you. People do it in movies, songs and books all the time just for sentimental effect. But reading and praying doing the what those two tell you to do, that's where the rubber of sanctification meets to proverbial road.
And by the way, thanks for reading this far. God has a wonderful plan for your life.