Whoa

11:10 AM

I found this old script I'd written last year:

Pharaoh just died. WOHAPOTEP and SHEPSTUT are on a rooftop watching the funeral procession.

WOHAPOTEP

How tragic.

SHEPSTUT

YES, Wohapotep! (sniffle)He will be missed. He wore his fake goatee so elegantly. The court often praised Pharaoh Yebu for it! May he live forever.

WOHAPOTEP

Oh, that too. I do feel badly for the fellow, kicking the bucket and all.

SHEPSTUT

Well, what else would be tragic at a funeral, the lack of hors d'oeuvres?

WOHAPOTEP

Hm, that too. But the tragic I was thinking of is all that gold doomed to eternal solitude in a stuffy pyramid.

sHEPSTUT

(rolling eyes) You and gold.

WOHAPOTEP

Shepstut, you wound me! My interest in precious metals is strictly altruistic! I have relentlessly studied the ebb and flow of the commodities market and currency exchange, just as the priests study the nile.

SHEPSTUT

May it flow forever.

wOHAPOTEP

Yes, yes, My point is that my meticulous calculations have brought me to the startling conclusion that each time a Pharaoh dies--

SHEPSTUT

May they live forever.

wOHAPOTEP

but they don't--that's the point. Pharaoh Yebu just died. Why else would all these people be watching a depressing parade on a hot day like this? And would you quit saying that.

Shepstut

Oh keep your wig on, it's just figure of speech. You were saying?

WoHAPOTEP

I was saying that every time a pharaoh moves on... to his happy... hoping ground, he takes all his gold with him, siphoning it off the market and sapping the economy!

ShePSTUT

So? What does that mean?

WOHAPOTEP

The value of gold skyrockets, deflating the currency supply and throwing prices in the ditch. I have a plan.

Shepstut

Oh dear.

WOHAPOTEP

I resent that. I'm going to loot his pyramid.

ShepSTUT

Oh yeah, and I'm going to be queen of england.

wOHAPOTEP

No really. Here's the plan.

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