Wait and See

11:22 PM

Such suspense! Intrigue and mystery!
Will we grow together into friendship and slide seamlessly into love? Or will we collide like waves and shore; crashing into an indelible bond?
Will we speak harmonious telepathy or will we become students of one another's wavelength?
Will we be cool, sweet and guarded or reckless, smitten and dazed?
Will our hearts pound and our palms sweat, will we throw back heads and laugh to light the world?
Will we be wine, roses and diamonds or campfires, mud-fights and kites?
Will we have wise minds and young hearts, steel convictions and lofty daydreams?
Will we sit in blissful silence, or will rapid fire words take alight? 
You and me, what we will be; we shall have to wait and see.

I wrote this last April. Josh and I since hiked down the Table Rock Trail as the daylight waned. Our conversation was running along the vein of the suspense of the Bride waiting for Christ, and how the glory of the sunset seemed to awaken that longing in such a tangible way. He was always vocal about his intense anticipation of a heavenly romance and that night was no different. I always snickered to myself when he would talk so matter-of-factly about it but I knew I was just as bad as he was, just I kept it to myself. He told me he was dead set on proposing on that plateau under a sunset like that. I suppose it sounds like a lack of propriety, but we talked long and earnestly on this subject as we always knew we were "safe". I relayed to him  the above journal entry off the top of my head. I felt a little awkward opening up like that but he listened so seriously and intently that it seemed alright. But the conversation continued. I was talking fast, almost breathless, about how I used to hope I wouldn't die or Christ wouldn't return until after I'd gotten married, because after all, marriage doesn't exist in heaven. But my perspective has changed dramatically, and I was bordering the ecstatic as I said "Josh! That sunset! We have lived a full and blessed life and we could die on this trail right here and now and have missed nothing in life that eternity doesn't promise." He had a thoughtful smile as we both fell silent and pondered that for a while.

Imagine the reverberating shock I felt when I read his blog the day he was taken. I had not read his most recent post until then and my heart stopped when I saw the photo from our hike. I think I can say the post had very much to do with our conversation and it hurts so bad to have been a part of that in all its prophetic irony. I feel like I had just as much chance to go as he did. I jealously wish it had been me and not him, as men of God like him seem so rare in this generation. But he got the glorious promotion we both longed for, not I.He got the precious dream that he surrendered. His heavenly romance is in his Savior; so vastly and incomprehensibly more romantic and all-consuming than any human love story!  But I remain. It is my calling to stay in this broken body and fight on in this earthly struggle. Who knows when my Prince will draw me to Himself? Who knows if I will ever have an earthly prince?
Every day is a Wait-and-See.

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